Oct
28
Automotive Halloween Costume

Question: What would an Eighties BMW 3-Series driver wear?

Some 200 million Americans fall between the ages of 20 and 70. Let’s say, for the sake of argument, that 25 percent of those folks are headed off to a costume party this Halloween. What fraction of that group would you say will be wearing a Donald Trump costume? If it’s ten percent—and that seems really low to me—that means that more than 6 million folks will be bobbing for apples or tossing back hard cider while wearing a dark suit, red tie, and a Donald mask. Don’t be one of those people. (And yes, that number includes women. It’s even funnier if women dress up as Donald Trump.)

Consider this blog post a call to be different, especially if you’re a car guy. And by different, I mean skipping the whole celebrity/historic-figure thing, and going to that Halloween party as a car. Well, as the driver of that car.

Here I present three “car” costumes that absolutely tag you as the driver of a very specific vehicle. To complete the ensemble, I’ve included several phrases that should be repeated throughout the evening to reinforce the character.

Please let us know which car… er, driver… you dressed up as this Halloween.

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Seventies/Eighties Datsun 280ZX Driver

Disco Halloween Costume

All you need to party as a Datsun 280ZX driver.

1983 Datsun 280ZX

1983 Datsun 280ZX

Costume Elements

  • Shiny, open-neck shirt
  • Colored-lens thin-rimmed glasses
  • Gold chain(s)

 

Character Dialogue

  • “280ZX? It’s like a Corvette, but without the squeaks and rattles.”
  • “Hey baby, did you know that my aunt cuts Gloria Gaynor’s hair?”
  • “I’ve got the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack on 8-Track and cassette.”

 

Eighties BMW 3-Series Driver

1983 BMW 3-Series

1983 BMW 3-Series

Costume Elements

  • Blue or pink dress shirt with white collar
  • Cellular phone weighing no less than five pounds
  • Liberal slathering of Polo for Men

 

Character Dialogue

  • “I’m telling you, the Dow’s going to 3000!”
  • “Apple? Screw Apple, put all your money in Compaq!”
  • “I can drive stick, but I got the automatic. It cost me another grand, but I need a free hand for my phone.”

 

Nineties Pontiac Grand Am GT Driver

Pontiac Grand AM costume

All you need to party as a Grand Am owner.

1993 Pontiac Grand Am GT

1993 Pontiac Grand Am GT

Costume Elements

  • Hair-metal-band concert shirt (Poison preferred, Dokken will also work)
  • Knock-off Oakley sunglasses
  • Bottle of Zima

 

Character Dialogue

  • “The Quad 4 engine is only rated at 180 horsepower, but it’s really like 300. Pontiac did that to fool insurance companies.”
  • “I can easily beat a Mustang GT from 0-30 miles per hour.”
  • “I can totally drive stick, but the automatic’s faster. A lot of people don’t know that.”

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