Posts from ‘Humor’

Jun
06

Fahrvergnugen

When she was a younger woman, my mother spent some time working the register at a neighborhood Burger King. Near as I can tell, mom doesn’t spend too much time reflecting on her days peddling fast food, but she does share one story, and it’s worth retelling.

Apr
17
Kevin Bacon, Footloose

What, exactly, does Kevin Bacon have in common with Clint Eastwood? Read on…

Few film genres employ characters more cookie-cutter and two-dimensional than do Westerns. Generally speaking, the whole good guy/bad guy, cowboys/Indians thing is the stuff of mediocre legend. Anyone who’s watched any Roy Rogers movie knows exactly what I’m talking about.

Dec
12
Snow-bound Mercedes SL

This snow-bound Mercedes-Benz SL is a little too easy to identify.

The snow came later than it usually does here around Consumer Guide’s suburban Chicago headquarters. However, when it did come, it came with impact, dumping 6-8 inches around the area in a relatively short period of time. With snow comes snow-covered vehicles, some of which may be difficult to identify under all the badge- and shape-obscuring white stuff. Here we have eight liberally coated vehicles for you to identify. A couple of the cars are pretty easy, but a few should take you a least a moment to ID.

Oct
28
Automotive Halloween Costume

Question: What would an Eighties BMW 3-Series driver wear?

Some 200 million Americans fall between the ages of 20 and 70. Let’s say, for the sake of argument, that 25 percent of those folks are headed off to a costume party this Halloween. What fraction of that group would you say will be wearing a Donald Trump costume? If it’s ten percent—and that seems really low to me—that means that more than 6 million folks will be bobbing for apples or tossing back hard cider while wearing a dark suit, red tie, and a Donald mask. Don’t be one of those people. (And yes, that number includes women. It’s even funnier if women dress up as Donald Trump.)

Sep
01
Mitsubishi OUtlander Sport Stormtrooper

2016 Mitsubishi Outlander Sport (left), First Order Stormtrooper helmet (right)

Last year, the nation seemed to collectively lose its mind over the long-awaited return of the Star Wars franchise to movie theaters. Chief among the visual elements of Star Wars: The Force Awakens (and the all-out merchandising blitz that accompanied it) was a stylized Stormtrooper helmet design that deftly brought the look of the original 1977 movie’s helmet up to date for modern audiences.

Aug
09
Wolrds largest truck stop

The 2017 Chrysler Pacifica proved to be an excellent vehicle for my family’s first-ever serious road trip.

It was the summer of 1974. Having spent the day at the amusement park then known as Six Flags over Middle America, my family and I hit the swimming pool at the Safari Camp Ground at which we were staying for the week.

It was during a rather spirited session of Marco Polo involving several families that someone’s mother—not mine—interrupted the aquatic merriment. She had brought a radio poolside, and yelled for everyone to shut up and listen.

Jun
07
Twitter Hashtag, #uglycar

Only on Twitter could the BMW 507 be branded as ugly.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, or so we’ve been told. Odds are that a parent or guardian first presented this tired adage to us, likely on the occasion of our honest appraisal of an unwanted Christmas sweater, hand-me-down bike, or nerdy cousin.

Apr
15
Carvel Ice Cream, Niles, Illinois

This taco stand was once a Carvel ice-cream store. It was at this exact location, back in 1973, that I placed a fateful pistachio-shake order.

I’m not much of a criminal. I don’t think I’ve intentionally stolen anything since I was confirmed, and I survived the great missing-leftover-pizza scandal that rocked my household last weekend with my reputation largely unscathed. My wife and daughter now accept my “accidentally thrown out” defense as “plausible.”

Apr
01
Garmin C.A.R.E.S.

Thanks to Garmin C.A.R.E.S., motorists no longer need to interact directly with panhandlers.

OLATHE, Kan.–(BUSINESS WIRE)–Garmin International Inc., a unit of Garmin Ltd. (NASDAQ: GRMN), today announced the C.A.R.E.S. system.

Mar
18
1983 Chevrolet Celebrity

1983 Chevrolet Celebrity

It strikes me that the five cars listed here are a little like Pia Zadora. How, you may ask, is any vehicle like Pia Zadora? I’m glad you asked.

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