Bumper stickers are a scourge. A single sticker can effectively break up the color and contour of what was likely an otherwise decent-looking vehicle. Multiple stickers are blight on the landscape, a dangerous distraction often wielded by the worst of drivers with seemingly little regard for the resale value of their vehicles.
Here I would like to identify the five most prevalent sticker-abuser types. Please note that car stickering, or, as it’s known in the world of automotive psychology, Obsessive Vehicular Appliqué Messaging (OVAM), affects drivers of every race, creed, age group, and income level. Indeed, OVAM is an equal opportunity affliction.
Family Pride: the gateway drug of auto stickering
Sure, this looks innocent, but it’s a cry for help. Soon, if unchecked, this same vehicle will sport a stick-figure family, soccer-organization logo, and possibly second and third honor-roll tags. It’s already time for an intervention.
Mixed Messaging: losing focus
Whether that CP stands for Cedar Park, Texas, or Campbell’s Point, New York, it does represent a lack of focus juxtaposed with the double-down of cat-love stickering. At this point, with little left to lose, this driver will not hesitate to add another sticker should a “cute” one catch his or her fancy. And, come on . . . “Meow”? Really?
Over-dedication: really wanting people to know about a cause or passion
If I had to guess, I’d say this person really cares about dogs. (I’m actually way more concerned that they’re driving a 10-year-old Pontiac minivan, but I digress. . . .) One wonders how proud returning American service men and women must feel seeing that the original yellow ribbon sticker has since morphed into a declaration of love for a particular dog breed.
It’s Not My Car: inherited vehicle abuse
Nothing says “I didn’t pay for this car myself” like slapping a few stickers on the back of your ride. I guarantee you that if this young lad (just guessing it’s a guy) had shelled out his own money for this car, he wouldn’t be so quick to desecrate it. On a related note: Blink 182? Really?
Lunacy: cause overkill
This lady—it is a lady—hasn’t found a liberal cause she doesn’t support. Obviously ignorant of the first law of messaging, less is more, our sticker fanatic here has really only informed other drivers that she feels strongly about “things,” as no one will spend the time to learn which 38 particular things those are. This condition is not limited to folks with a liberal agenda. I challenge anyone to find a pickup that sports just a single gun-rights sticker on it.